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For most people, breakups are inevitable in their lifetime. In fact, studies have shown that the average number of relationships in one’s lifetime is six for men, and five for women, which means that people as a whole average almost that many breakups throughout their lives. Regardless of whether you initiated the breakup, your ex initiated the breakup, or if the breakup was mutual, there is always underlying pain associated with it (although the severity of such pain varies from person to person and from breakup to breakup).

Such pain is only natural given that you are ending something that was once considered good (or even still considered good in many cases). Although there was potential in the relationship, for whatever reason things ultimately did not work out in the end. However, it is not something that you should nor need to dwell on.

Although breakups hurt, it is important to keep things in perspective: breakups happen to just about everyone. Even someone who is happily married likely has broken up with someone in their past before ultimately finding the love of their life. So while you may feel like absolute shit, you aren’t any different from anyone else out there. In other words, you may feel like you are bad at relationships and something is seriously wrong with you in particular, but in reality, you are just another of the thousands of breakups that happen every year.

Now that’s not to say that you didn’t do anything wrong in the relationship itself, because that is always a possibility. Perhaps you were too jealous, and your ex found that to be a turn-off. Or maybe you neglected your ex which created distance between the two of you. These are real problems – we can’t deny that. However, they are all real problems that you fix on your next relationship. Rather than dwelling on what went wrong in the relationship and moping about that for days upon days, you should instead use it as an opportunity to reflect on your own shortcomings (assuming you did have shortcomings that ruined the relationship). If you did something wrong, own up to it and figure out how to prevent those shortcomings from ruining your next relationship.  Breakups no doubt hurt, but they also give you the opportunity to improve yourself and make yourself a better mate for the next man or woman with whom you start a relationship with.

And for those who simply dwell on a breakup because they regret what could have been, keep in mind that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just because he or she may have seemed like your soulmate, the reality is that they were not right for you in the end. Even if you were able to beg for him or her back, the most likely scenario is that the relationship would still eventually fizzle out later on, which would just be delaying the inevitable and potentially making the pain even worse when the “final” breakup actually occurs. Instead, look to the future and realize that your true soulmate is out there waiting for you. While breakups are undoubtedly painful, do not dwell on them. The sooner you let go, the sooner you can move on and find not just your true life partner, but a better you as well.